Wednesday, 13 January 2016

From Simon Warren - Tring, G.B. - 09.01.16 - Fisch13

n.b. simon wrote a comment 

1 comment:

  1. Tuesday 19 January 2016 Simon writes

    it all began
    on a road I know well
    a country road
    in snow
    and it concerns my family
    the light is very clear
    in beginnings
    and the future
    is closed into those days
    and already time is doing its work
    what went previously
    at one stroke
    a whole past
    ceases to exist
    it is the protagonists wish
    to start a new life
    a child knows this
    without needing to be told
    the life of the child
    is of no consequence
    is one way of the world
    if we fall into error
    one error
    follows another
    we are given the chance
    to correct this way of life
    which we do
    but the current of error
    being so strong
    pulls us into its tide
    I cannot bridge the gap now
    well I can
    by accepting
    some things happen
    over which
    one has no control
    and that I was laying in store
    a life to follow
    I did not chose
    the course of events
    everything ill conceived
    floods my mind
    being a historian
    it is a habit with me
    to arrange
    side by side
    snapshots in my mind
    which occur at random
    and when this happens
    all pasts
    are as flimsy as cardboard
    the pasts speak
    as how I lived them
    in a sense
    of my life being purposeless
    that there was around me
    a day to day world
    which absorbed people's energies
    but that had always been the case
    beside this life
    I should know
    but it is hard for me to recount
    the images flicker
    in and out
    I am reminded
    of film
    in a projector
    that slips
    blurring the images
    it is not a question of remembering
    this is of no avail
    ones sense tells one
    of the other side
    of the scheme of things
    I know this world
    I was born to it
    early it was my life
    very early
    I did not need telling about it
    if people had a reason to be doing
    others were watching them do it
    from the sidelines
    if one has no sense
    of anything
    to begin with
    one enters a place
    without meaning
    lost as one is
    one never get oneself
    into a place
    of understanding
    I was very young
    during this drift
    young as I was
    I went far out to sea
    this was growing up
    it was a hostile environment
    I occupied an island
    waves broke
    on the island
    the sea
    was an alien population
    the sense of being a child
    is reactive
    has the child
    in the grip of adulthood
    children have instinct
    children obey the laws
    of the adult world
    you are a child
    for how long?
    the reason for going to school
    evaded me
    reason of itself
    came into question
    but the world
    which was a new world
    from the outset
    stripping away
    what the transition meant
    pulling down
    the investment
    of the innocent
    it was not a new beginning
    because the same flaws
    it was a transition
    that held the players
    in its grasp
    it was a short slide
    I was fearful
    of many things
    I was timid
    I was brash
    I got the better of myself
    things of no consequence
    occupied my mind
    to the exclusion
    of what mattered
    I was fearful of others
    all this got out of hand
    stayed out of hand
    a part of my lost world
    I do not remember
    this world changing
    what could have changed it?
    I was embedded
    in what I had created for myself
    when I grew up
    there was a world
    to be taken for granted
    ordinary people
    thought they were kings
    which is how it seemed
    these people
    had a good run
    the trouble was
    some of them
    to see the end of it
    and at the same time
    men and women
    stood on the rocks
    of their isolation
    lashed by the sea
    which was a way of life
    in which they were nothing
    what was to come later
    destruction for people
    existed then
    it was implicit
    although I was a boy
    when I looked at people
    I thought
    you know
    you have had it
    the self-assured types
    were having the rug
    from under them
    I am thinking of a time
    when one is still very young
    and adults
    are telling you
    the whys and wherefores
    already for me
    there was a falling away
    no matter one was young
    what was taken for granted
    was coming apart
    of my parents' generation
    thought they knew
    what they were about